ugh

i have an empty feeling in my stomach and i'm kind of panicky... i feel sick. i feel sick when i feel lonely and i have no idea why i feel lonely. i'm at work for christ's sake. i hate feeling lonely... i can be in a room full of people who want to be around me but i still feel like i'm not really there. i kind of space out and get this glazed over look... i can hear what people are saying but i kind of mentally check out. i wonder when that will go away because i can't fucking wait.

this rat race is disappointing. i think i would have made more of a point to enjoy my childhood if someone warned me that this is what adult life is like. my gas light is always on and my cigarette pack is always empty... i have a list of bills and every month i pick the most over due one and cringe while i pay it. i'm really digging this idea of moving to the caribbean and selling tshirts in the morning and swimming/tanning all afternoon. i'd only go if my family came with me though because i'd miss them too much and wouldn't be able to live without them in my life.

i was supposed to pay my car payment today on my lunch break... i went clothes shopping instead. 

my cat keeps eating my cell phone. i have bite marks puncturing my touch screen. it's a $300 phone... and i just got it 2 weeks ago. laila jo also eats my hair ties which get stuck in her intestines and cost me hundreds of dollars to have them removed by the vet. she's the most expensive roommate i've ever had in my life.

it was suggested i write about my dreams... stay tuned.