every once and awhile i just can't stand hearing poker face or kiss me on the phone or i kissed a girl and i liked it... it's just too much. sometimes three stations are playing the same damn song at the same time! this is out of control.
so i dug up my avril lavigne and chili peppers cds out of my console and have been really getting back in touch with what music is supposed to be about. how about some depth? some soul? some emotion and bitterness? i love it.
my coworker says my blogs depress her and i have come to realize they are all bitch fests and venting of seething resentment and anger. so here's a positive and fun little "blog" as you call it.
by the way, what is twitter? and is it named twitter so that people can say "i twatted last night 3 times and it was great"?
despite all the bullshit life throws my way, there is a positive side to every issue. i haven't had a drink in over 3 months and that is a god damn miracle. i don't even know how i'm doing and i'm honestly beginning to believe that it's not me. my family is ever so slowly starting to call me on my cell phone just to say hi or throw me a text message just to make a connection. simple things like that make my heart glow. tonite my dad and i sat at the kitchen table and ate pasta together and talked like we used to... this makes my eyes well with tears but happy ones. i'm a very impatient individual and like instant results. it's going to take a long time for my sister to stop yelling at me and making fun of me and slamming her bedroom door in my face but she did text me yesterday and ask me how my work day was going... progress!
i can cry and be really upset and angry and feel it. i can write about it. i don't smother it with outside substances to feel numb. working through it all brings satisfaction that is beyond imaginable afterwards and makes me wonder how many other buried treasures of emotion need to be addressed that have been placed in my mental storage closet over the past four years.
gino is a beautiful sleeper. he looks just as gorgeous as he does when he's awake.
i'm sitting next to a bottle of ketchup and i personally think it should be stored in the refrigerator but apparently it survives just fine at room temperature. either way i don't care because ketchup is disgusting.
i look forward to tomorrow which is technically today because i don't have a fucking plan in the world. yes, i have to drive my brother to a track meet at 7am but i look at it more as i GET to drive him. he has his permit now so i'll probably let him take the wheel because he gets so excited and feels so damn cool. i remember that feeling and i'm so happy i can be there in the passenger seat as his designated adult. sure, i don't behave like an adult but fuck am i lucky to be alive.
i should be dead. i can't even count how many times i should have died. but here i am, a living miracle. i'm so happy and i'm just going to keep pushing on, doing what i'm doing and laugh as much as possible because laughing is beautiful and one of my favorite things to do.
sweet. the six flags commercials are back on... i love that freaky looking bald guy that dances to the venga boys song. hahahahahaha fuckin awesome.
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